Wrote this memo to myself a year ago today // “Day 1 in London : Woke up this morning in a fog. Had to remind myself where I was — and why. Feels like a weird dream. Weird being the key word to how I’m feeling entirely. So strange to call this place “home” for the next 3 months (can’t officially say 6 yet) — is that because I can’t allow myself to focus on the number or because I’m scared to admit my fear in being here that long. There’s a sense of excitement as I walk down the street and admire all the new scenery & faces. I’ve been on the brink of tears all day - telling myself I can cry later— just not now. Without WiFi and a connection to the world, it’s forcing me to focus on myself and being alone. That part sucks. Hopefully I will get WiFi soon — i just want to talk to my mom. I promise I’m not miserable but I’m definitely not great.” I remember this day like it was yesterday. I was drowning in fear and trying everything I could to keep it together. Man, I’m so glad I was. I’m so glad I woke up only feeling a fragment of that same fear today. Oh yes, that fear is still there. In fact, as long as I’m in this new place, I think it will always be. And I’m thankful for that. Thankful for discomfort. Thankful for needing. Thankful to wake up not knowing what comes next. Thankful to know He does. And thankful to know, my mom is always just a phone call away. —— P.S. Don’t worry friends...this year me is just as dramatic as last year me — this year me is just a little bit stronger. “And He knew the transformation she had to go through in order to be in the place He was preparing for her. God always prepares us for the place He has prepared for us.” - Unexpected// Christine Cain
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